you deserved to know.

dear you,

people have been asking me, "what have you learned in the months of doing service?" my answers, well, they surprise even me. i've found that my realizations aren't really about God or other people, but rather, about myself. so i thought i'd share some with you, if that's okay.

1. i am lazy: i tend to make a lot of excuses for myself, probably because i have some type of commitment issue. this goes for anything: jobs, exercise, friends, God. i enjoy the phrase, "eh. it's okay...."
2. i am scared, terrified really, of the "must-haves" of life: money, a career, love.
3. i'm not attracted to safe and comfortable answers, ideas, places, or people: where's the challenge? the pleasure of painfully stretching ourselves?
4. in my search for the pause button of life, i neglect the moments in front of me.
5. i'm a pretty private person: it takes a while for me to open up and trust someone. i mean, seriously, a lot longer than i ever thought.

anyway. i just thought you deserved to know.

sincerely,
shae